The garlic had been harvested (on a whim), the vinegar had been put down the toilet, Muse was blaring from our van’s CD player, our youngest had just announced to Kiri, “You’re certainly accelerating a lot” (just the effect Muse has on her) and we were on our once more to Hayles Fruit farm for another May half term. This time my parents were to join us (they’d sent us pictures of their journey towards the Cotswolds) and my brother’s family had already enjoyed Cotswold Farm Park the previous day. All was well with the world.

Well, mainly well. I’ll admit that collaboration over erecting a tent is possibly the part of our marriage that needs the most work and my rib was twinging a little still after a likely minor fracture a few weeks previously (much like a pole of our event shelter that had suffered in the winds at Greenbelt last year). Oh, and we realised at 5:15pm that we hadn’t bought eggs for breakfast and the farm shop shut at 5. BUT, we had a lovely wander around the lake before bed, there were swifts (or were they swallows?) darting around the field in the evening light and we managed to play crib and drink wine before crashing out for our first night.

The dawn chorus the following morning was magnificent, but a little early for us, and sadly it was accompanied by the first hayfever of the season. The lack of eggs didn’t matter as we improvised with mushrooms, aubergine and chorizo on toast, then had a leisurely breakfast, during which our youngest questioned “what is real?” before promptly laying a football (presumably because we’d forgotten the eggs). All was going swimmingly as we gave the kids a quick rugby lesson, then headed to the farm shop for apple juice (choosing Red Pippin).

And then we got a message at 09:49 from Mum. Dad was unwell again. Followed by a message from Dad apologising for “messing things up again” (which he clearly wasn’t!). Sadly it meant they wouldn’t be joining us on this first day.

Chedworth Roman Villa was to be the venue for the day, where we met up with my brother’s family. They had a snail theme going on there (not entirely sure why), but this meant that as well as exploring this historical site, we could engage in shelled gastropod frivolities such as races with shells on our back. Over lunch we discussed history, as well as our youngest trying to get my sister in law to guess the birds that we had seen on our campsite (I can confirm that they were not sweagles or sweese!) before Kiri went to inspect the hazel hurdles that were dotted around the place. We remained on an avian topic with my parents still very much on our mind, as I confidently said that they were an hour as the crow flies from our campsite, rather than a mile as the crow flies. Maybe the crow isn’t very good at flying… or directions?

Anyhow, we’d left the most exciting part of the villa (the hypercaust and incredible mosaics) until last, which we spent as much time as we could in, whilst also aware that we were out of phone signal and weren’t sure what news from my parents we would be emerging to. We were unanimous (including the kids) in deciding that Granny and Grandpa would want everyone to have an icecream before we moved on from the villa, so that’s what we did!

As we headed back to the car park along a track bordered by overstood coppice (clearly not the source of the hazel for the hurdles), our phones pinged to life, bringing us news that Dad was going to be visited by a doctor which sounded like good news. The rain set in on the way back to the campsite (we’ve done well with the weather today) and we managed to get back to the shop to get eggs for the morning and burgers for tea. History repeated itself as our eldest declared them to still be the best burgers in the world, but we didn’t have as much variety as last year (the butcher in the farm shop has moved on).

It was dry enough after tea for a kick around, but we were obviously tired by the time the kids were settled and we were playing King Domino, as we both kept forgetting which colour we were at times. I reckon I can partially blame the hayfever too!

We were woken several times in the night by strong winds and rain, but by the time we got up the following morning it was settled and sunny. The fried eggs went down a treat and if the pheasants that were wandering around the campsite had got any closer they too would have gone down a treat, but it wasn’t to be. The kids made friends with some other kids who were part of a family of 5 in a motorhome on a nearby pitch, which stirred something within me. I like camping… but I do miss the motorhome life. Maybe one day we’ll have one again?

Our destination today was a place with a big claim; “All things wild” in Evesham. Surely there will be many wild things that aren’t there, like wildfires and wild nights out? We were intrigued though, as we also were when we passed a sign saying “Willersey says no to full fibre poles”. If they’re talking camping, I’m kind of with them after our event shelter pole fracture, or maybe they’re talking about Polish bakeries offering wholegrain loaves? None the wiser, we arrived, ready to be surprised by all of the wild things in the world.

Turns out that lots of wild things don’t like the rain, as many of the fenced areas we saw immediately were devoid of any activity, wild or otherwise, but it didn’t take long to find spiders and cool things like that inside – chameleons, tequila fish and axolotls. All very exciting. As was a soft play area we glimpsed… but we wanted to save that until later, so we instead ensured we were togged up and headed out into the rain. Most animals were being sensible and sheltering from the rain. In fact I’m pretty sure at one stage as I passed a monkey sitting in the warm and dry, it made eye contact with me, looked directly into my soul and slowly shook its head, questioning my life decisions. Minutes later a kookaburra laughed at me. There’s much we can learn from our winged and furred friends. We were slightly confused as to why there were dinosaurs present too, but the rabbit kittens didn’t seem too bothered by their presence.

We retreated inside to have our lunch next to the play area, then after lunch we unleashed the children into the soft play, whilst we attempted to have a grown up conversation (and consume some sneaky liquorice allsorts without the kids noticing). When this naturally came to a close, we wanted to see if it was still raining, so I got out my phone, whilst Kiri did the normal thing and just went outside. You know, I think that monkey was onto something! The rain was slightly more intermittent as we wandered around some slightly less bedraggled animals. I can’t remember the context, but I was tickled when my nephew announced of the capybaras “oh look, there’s a spare one!”. That’s what this afternoon was calling for – a spare capybara… or maybe just an icecream, to celebrate it brightening up.

After a quick ride on the dinosaur road train through an area of animatronics, the rain finally stopped, providing just enough time for us to race on the pedal go karts and have a game of crazy golf. It was clear from me and my brother trailing behind our wives in our scores that we weren’t the ones whose parents were keen golfers! All too soon it was time to leave though, just as the animals were emerging from their shelters!

That evening as the rain eased, the grasses once more set free their pollen to launch a vicious attack on my sinuses – I was so incapacitated at bedtime that I dare not have any alcohol or chocolate due to their histamine qualities and instead we were in bed soon after 9.

The Wednesday was the day of the steam train, so after breakfast, showers and making of packed lunches, we headed to do our washing up… only to be informed by the campsite warden that there was no hot water at the washing up point, as someone had severed the power cable with a lawnmower. Kettle it was then!

At Winchcombe station we gathered as a 10 for the first time this holiday. After sorting logistics to ensure we had a vehicle at the Broadway end, the train blew into the station and Dad remarked that it was clear from the black smoke belching from the engine that a new pope hadn’t yet been chosen. Despite this humour, it really was great to have Mum and Dad with us. The 9 of us got onto the train (Kiri was driving to Broadway) and enjoyed the leisurely pace of chugging through the countryside as a family. Once in Broadway, it was my turn to be chauffeur to head up towards the park with my parents whilst the others walked through the town.

As with last year, the park kept everyone entertained and it was lovely to again manage some grown up conversations whilst the kids happily played. We gathered them in for lunch, then sent them back out to play once fed. Would we be able to meet again before everyone returned home at the end of the holiday? We’d certainly try to. I returned my parents to the station (via a ferret being taken for a walk – don’t ask), returned the van to Kiri and the train pootled back down the valley. We were delayed a bit, and Kiri relayed to us in a message that there had been a minor fire at Winchcombe station, which some very chilled out elderly gentlemen in hi vis jackets had calmly extinguished with buckets. Once at Winchcombe, Kiri joined us in our compartment for the journey down to the racecourse, then back up to Winchcombe, where we went our separate ways.

Hot water was still not fixed, so after our sausage supper the washing up took longer than expected, at which point we realised that we hadn’t bought milk or chocolate. Kiri valiantly took one for the team and returned with a Dairy Milk Daim bar (and some milk I guess… but the chocolate was more memorable) whilst the grasses still mocked me with their pollen.

It wasn’t because we wanted to escape the pollen that caused us to leave the following day – more that Kiri needed to work on the Friday, however I was fairly thankful. We struck camp in a leisurely fashion (including a game of King Domino), thankful that the weather had held out so all of our stuff was dry and were offsite just before midday. Once home, our eldest wanted to see the results of the “science experiment” we’d done with the vinegar down the toilet – very excited to see that it had dissolved the limescale completely in the few days we’d been away. There was a dramatic and swift improvement to my hayfever symptoms and I think the only person who wasn’t so sure about being home was our youngest who announced “I’m not used to a bed!”.

And normally that would be it. Holiday done. However, as our time with my parents had been cut short, when Kiri was at work on Friday we headed back out to meet my family. Our first stop was Pittville Park in Cheltenham as the younger two generations. The kids were unleashed and we ended up playing some sort of game of tag with the kids vs the adults… only none of the adults were entirely sure what the rules were! By the time we needed to move on, our youngest had established themselves at the highest point of one of the web climbing points and refused to come down. With memories of 1990s environmental protests in trees running to months, I resorted to a whispered bribe of a biscuit in the car which broke the deadlock.

Crickley Hill was the place where we were to meet my parents and despite our TomTom satnav showing the new roads at the Air Balloon roundabout (that aren’t due to open until 2027!), we made it there in plenty of time. Lunch was our first priority, after which we headed off towards the hill fort, following signs for the accessible route. This seemed to be taking us a long way round, so we tried a different route… before resorting to the main path from the cafe, which turned out to likely be the most accessible and shortest route of all! Just enough time was spent engaged in races, games and tree climbing at the fort to justify a final icecream of the holiday before we bade farewell to everyone and headed home for tea.

But there’s still more! And this is a key life lesson kids. As Kiri had missed out on an icecream and we’d reached the end of half term, on the Saturday we had a trip to buy some Wholly Gelato icecream – arguably the best icecream of the holiday. There’s always room for more icecream.